The holiday season is a time of giving to family and friends both our time and gifts. In all the commotion of the season, it can be easy for a pregnant or new parent to get lost and overwhelmed in the shuffle.
So buy yourself or someone the gift of assurance this holiday season. The postpartum period is full of both possibilities and excitement but also hardships and difficulties. A postpartum doula can set you up for success when baby arrives.
This holiday season, I am so excited to announce my first SALE: Holiday Postpartum Support Special.
You get a free 2 hour Postpartum Strategy and Planning session with the purchase of $200 or more of postpartum support. $200 gets you 20 hours of daytime support or 13 hours of overnight support.
Ideally, a postpartum strategy and planning session would be a time to set up your expectations, home, and outside support before baby is born. Together, we can make a plan for taking care you, your loved ones, and your new baby to get you the best beginning once baby arrives.
To be eligible for this sale, all you have to do is book a free 20 minute consultation with me before the end of the November. Consultations are free, so you have nothing to lose!
The postpartum period is often an overlooked and neglected part of preparing to welcome a new arrival. People are often motivated to prepare for birth because their primary image of childbirth from television has built an image of intense terror. But the postpartum period is full of just as many hardships and difficulties that will last far longer than labor will. A postpartum doula helps new parents and families bridge the gap between their expectation and reality. The work of a postpartum doula is a varied and difficult to explain because the postpartum period is varied and difficult to explain, but here are some of the ways a postpartum doula can support you.
Wait until you see what’s in my other sink
Physical Support
New mothers and families often receive a lot of physical support in the first week or two after baby is born. Grandparents will rush over to marvel at the youngest addition to their family tree, and friends and neighbors might bring some food by, often as a trade off for being able to see the new squishy baby face and catch a whiff of the new baby smell. While these offers for help are nice, many postpartum mothers can find themselves feeling like they need to entertain their visitors instead of properly recovering and bonding with their child.
A postpartum doula’s role is to support you, so you should never feel the need to take care of your doula. Your doula is an expert at filling into your needs in the moment. She can make sure you have been eating nutritious meals, help you catch up on the laundry you need to get done, or empty your sink of the dishes you haven’t been able to get to. Although she is not a medical professional, she can also help your physical recovery through suggestions to ease any aches or pains leftover from delivery. Your doula can also show you how to attend to the needs of your newborn through showing you how to swaddle, walking you through a diaper change, or training you how to use your baby carrier.
Overnight doula support can also help you get some much needed sleep, so you can rest, recover, and feel rejuvenated for the next day of parenting. Overnight care can be especially helpful with newborn twins or while recovering from a C-section when you might not be as mobile or quick to respond to your baby’s nighttime needs. Your doula does not replace you as the mother, but supports your nighttime parenting by bringing your baby to you for a night snack and is then responsible for diapering or any other baby needs.
Emotional Support
A recent survey found that before birth, mothers were most worried about and prepared for their physical needs postpartum, but after baby was born, they found they most wanted and did not get the emotional support that they needed. After delivery, the hormone’s needed to nourish and maintain a healthy pregnancy rapidly change, causing what is often referred to as “the baby blues” or may even develop into a postpartum mood disorder. As the days, weeks, and months go on, many parents feel lonely, isolated, and incredibly vulnerable.
A postpartum doula can help encourage you emotionally through being a non-judgmental ear to listen and help you process your birth and parenting difficulties. A postpartum doula will support you in your parenting decisions and help you build your confidence as a parent. Many new parents also feel like they have lost their sense of self or identity as they suddenly have to turn all their attention to keeping a tiny new human healthy, happy, and alive. Many new mothers may feel lost as other people’s focus shifts from her pregnant self to the newborn. But a doula makes sure that someone is remembering and looking out for the needs and well-being of the mother.
A lot has changed since grandma last had a baby
Informational Support
It seems once a person is pregnant, everyone has an opinion about everything. People that would never give you a second glance suddenly have very strong opinions about breastfeeding, sleep training, or pacifiers, and these same people feel the need to “educate” you on their opinions while you’re waiting in the checkout line to buy your third bottle of TUMs for the week, laxatives, and every flavor of Ben and Jerry’s because you’re pretty sure you would have had a meltdown that would rival a toddler if you forced yourself to choose just one. And grandma keeps trying to convince you that the car seat she found by the dumpster is free and will be fine since her moms just held her in her lap when she was in a car and everyone turned out just fine.
Friends, families, and even strangers in the grocery often come with an agenda or preconceived notions on how to be the perfect parent, but a doula knows that there is no best way to parent. What a doula can provide you with is up to date information about the benefits and risks of almost everything infant and postpartum related. Together, you get the support to know that the decisions you have made as a parent are what is best for you, your family, and your individual situation. A doula also comes with an extensive list of fellow experts and can refer you to lactation consultants, pelvic floor therapists, postpartum mood disorder counselors, or whatever you need that is outside her scope of practice.
While a postpartum doula doesn’t guarantee that the newborn stage will be easy, it will most certainly make the steep learning curve of parenting a newborn a little easier to climb.
Pregnancy loss through miscarriage or stillbirth is extremely common; an estimated one in four women will experience a pregnancy loss. With that number so high, most people will find themselves supporting a friend or family member through pregnancy loss at some point in their life. While there is no one right way to help someone through grief, there are many common things people do or say that often make the situation worse. In honor of pregnancy and infant loss awareness month, I’ve outline some common mistakes with some supportive alternative practices.
Don’t minimize the situation or use cliches.
You may want to say things that mean well, but the minimizing of the situation and grief usually makes someone suffering a loss feel more alone and isolated. Anything that begins with “at least” (you can get pregnant, weren’t very far along) should definitely not be said. Cliches like “it was meant to be” and “it was God’s will” also don’t really offer any tangible comfort and usually just help the speaker feel better. Some people might take comfort in the fact that most early miscarriages are from pregnancies with severe chromosome abnormalities or birth defects, but telling a person this may make them feel like you aren’t allowing them the space to grieve and time to process.
Instead, Listen and empathize
Listen and let your friend or family member talk, or not. Silence is perfectly acceptable. You don’t need to try and make things better because you probably can’t. Instead, accept the feelings for what they are now and just be together with them in those feelings. It may be uncomfortable or make you feel like you’re not doing enough, but it is helpful just having someone else there in the moment.
Don’t make assumptions
Don’t assume there is no need to grieve because it was an early loss. The thought that someone was “barely even pregnant” and keeping a pregnancy secret until you are “out of the woods” for miscarriage perpetuates the shame and guilt associated with suffering an early loss. Since American culture does not openly talk about miscarriage, your friend may not know of anyone who has had a miscarriage when statistically she probably knows many. It is also hurtful to assume that the person or a couple will just try again and can easily have another baby. Saying this makes another pregnancy seem like a replacement when there is no way to replace a child. If a couple does want another baby, don’t assume they will try again right away. Some people may be ready and anxious to try again immediately while other may take much longer to be emotionally and physically ready for another pregnancy.
Instead, follow their lead
As you listen, reflect her words and feelings back to her and let her know she has been heard and understood. Rephrasing her ideas can let her hear the same idea in a different way to help process and think through her feelings. Use similar vocabulary that she is using so that she can define her experience in her own way without you imposing your opinion or how you would define the situation.
Don’t put a timeline on grief.
The grief doesn’t just go away with a certain number of days or at a certain milestone. Grief can return days, weeks, months, or years later, especially on anniversary dates: the day she found out she was pregnant, the day she found out she wasn’t going to stay pregnant, the day her baby was due. Each of these moments might bring back shades of sadness and heartbreak. Also remember that the whole family has suffered a loss as well, and partners or other children may process the grief in their own way and in their own time as well.
Instead, remember with her
People will likely be great at remembering and checking in with her in the days and weeks following the loss, but she may still want to be asked how she is doing months or even years later. Remembering those special days and anniversaries will let her know that you remember her and her child even when others do not. Remembering and saying her child’s name will also let her know that her child still matters and is important to someone else.
Don’t ignore the person or the subject
You might think that bringing up the subject will just make your friend feel worse, but if the loss is recent, she is probably already thinking about it. Ignoring the situation or trying to change the subject can make the grieving family feel like no one cares and like there is no appropriate space to work through their feelings and situation, which again further makes them feel isolated and alone (are we seeing a pattern here).
Instead, acknowledge what she is going through
A thoughtful gift or care package can acknowledge the loss and bring some form of comfort, even if it’s just a small gift. Bringing meals or groceries and offering to do chores around the house can be helpful. Remember that even an early loss may mean going through labor and delivery or a medical procedure that will have a physical recovery as well. You can buy a postpartum recovery kit or you can make your own (there are many DIY guides out there). You can even buy one of these miscarriage and loss support cards.
When a loved one is suffering, you may not know the right thing to say and do, but now you have some tools about what most people do and do not find helpful. Give yourself grace and remember to approach with an attitude of empathy.
While more people are now familiar with what a birth doula is, most people do not know about the emerging field of fertility doulas. You no longer have to wait until you are pregnant to get a doula, but can hire a doula for conception, pregnancy, birth, and postpartum. Still not sure how a fertility doula can benefit you? Read on to see the reasons why a fertility doula might be right for you.
I’m sure the next website will clear this right up.
1. Maximize your chances to get pregnant each cycle
Making the decision to try for a baby is a time of excitement and anticipation, but it can also can be a time of stress. It’s also one of the first times on the parenting journey that you might find yourself lost on the Google train. Each website, forum, and comment thread has a different must-do practice for pregnancy achievement, and it’s so easy to get lost and overwhelmed with all the cyber noise. Hiring a fertility doula cuts out the stress of the endless lists of pregnancy inducing tasks and can help focus your energy to the most important steps for conception.
2. Troubleshoot your cycle
When trying to conceive, people begin to listen more intently to their bodies. And since you are listening, you suddenly notice every twinge, bit of discharge, and belly gurgle. Everything suddenly becomes a sign of ovulation or a possibly early pregnancy symptom. And sometimes those symptoms and signs are confusing. The knowledge and experience of a fertility doula can help cut through the confusion and provide some answers to your questions about your cycle.
3. Navigate your fertility choices
While most couples that are trying for a baby will conceive within a year, one in ten couples experience fertility problems. A fertility doula can help you navigate the world of infertility through providing information about different fertility options. While a fertility doula is not a medical professional, a fertility doula can help you understand your options regarding fertility treatments and procedures as well as provide information about complementary options and practitioners in your area.
Sometimes you just need to hold a hand
4. Attend your appointments with you
Some fertility doulas will even come to appointments with you. Fertility treatments or diagnostic tests can be a long and draining process. With your fertility doula there, she can help you remember questions you may have for your healthcare professional and help you understand the benefits and risks of the different treatment options presented to you. Fertility procedures can also be physically and emotionally taxing, so many people find the physical and emotional support of a doula helpful to combat the stress and anxiety of medical treatments.
5. Emotional support
Whether you are just starting to try and conceive or have been trying for awhile, each cycle can be emotionally draining and isolating. When it comes to family planning, friends and family can have unwelcomed opinions about your choices. Many people do not feel comfortable sharing technical details about their sex life with friends, and even those you are comfortable sharing with may grow tired of hearing about the specifics of your fertility symptoms if conception takes awhile. A fertility doula, however, is like your fertility best friend that will always listen to you and you never have to worry about getting tired or grossed out by talking about cervical mucus or the pain of injecting a trigger shot in your butt.
Wherever you are in your journey, a fertility doula is ready to support you through the highs and the lows of it all.
Brave Steps Doula Services - Kirkland, WA 